You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
