I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
