i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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