We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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