i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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