I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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