If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
