apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
