im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
