Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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