The maid of honor just puked.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I supernannyed him into submission
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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