Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
