Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
