Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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