I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
