Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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