does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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