plz talk dirty to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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