He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's the barista slut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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