thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this hospital has no fireball
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
