I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
