the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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