So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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