We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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