So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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