They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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