All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
