: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
