We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
