Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
