Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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