Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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