Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
