i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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