okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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