Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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