they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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