ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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