take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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