So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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