Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
