Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
