wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
