u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
