Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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