i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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