every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
