I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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