Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
