Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
