What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i love accidental penises.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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