That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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