Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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