You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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