all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
