the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
