he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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