I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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