My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
